Yesterday I went to get my hair colored and cut... the first time in more than 6 months. First of all, I feel like a new person again. It's amazing how such a small change can affect your mood! I feel a little guilty because I didn't go to my friend who is my regular stylist, but I couldn't get in to her limited schedule when I had the time (aka babysitter Wednesday!) to go. It was interesting to go to someone new. It turns out we had a lot to talk about!
We started off the conversation with the usual discussion about what I wanted done to my hair, a little celebrity gossip, and some background about ourselves. As our conversation evolved we came to the interesting realization that we are constantly asked the same question these days... "So, are you going back to work?" Otherwise known as "Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life?" Ahhhhh, so many people ask me this since I have a graduate degree and am now a stay-at-home mom. I guess it's a fair question and to be honest, I would probably (and most likely have in the past...) ask it of my friends who are in the same situation. As I get ready to head to my 10-year college reunion next weekend I know I'd better prepare my canned response because I KNOW I will be asked this by pretty much everyone I run into.
There are so many ways I can respond. I mean, there's the strictly logical perspective: my career has been to work for small arts organizations and they don't have the ability to pay a salary that generally warrants the hours one puts in or cover the costs and challenges of childcare these days. There's the emotional response: motherhood has totally changed my perspective on life and I don't know that continuing my previous career will fulfill my new outlook. There's the intellectual response: I was no longer challenged by my professional choices and decided to take my child-bearing years to re-evaluate my career choice. And of course, the "I'm a mommy first and foremost" response: I love my baby and want to spend as much time as possible with him.
Frankly, each one covers about 100% of my decision to stay home. There is no simple canned response. I enjoy being home and watching each developmental change my son goes through - big and small. Additionally, I really haven't been challenged by my job for a while; I know how to achieve success doing what I did but found the most challenging part to be effectively coping with coworkers who didn't understand my job or what it took to succeed in my specialization (whatever happened to a team-oriented supportive work environment - are those totally dead now?! everyplace I seem to work hires lots of "throw your colleagues under the bus to save your own butt" types). And of course, motherhood has totally changed my perspective on life - its not all hype, it really does happen. For me, it even kicked in when I was pregnant! Thank goodness, because when I realized what it would cost to hire a flexible nanny or find a daycare to take my son I realized that I would be making mere pennies and adding more stress to my life trying to schedule his care than joy by going back to work in a position that didn't fulfill my dreams.
So, I took a gamble. I shook the magic 8 ball and all signs pointed to "stay at home". To be honest I really do love it. I'm very lucky that my wonderful husband makes enough that we can afford for me to stay home. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely days when I wish I could go to an office, sit in a cubicle and be on the computer or in meetings all day (fyi... these days usually happen to coincide with Jonah's teething or fussy days). But overall, I am really happy taking care of my family. And by all accounts, motherhood is a full-time job!
Will I do this forever? I don't know. You'll have to keep reading to find out, I guess!
I can definetly relate. I am planning to go back but hopefully I will be a stay at home mom within a year. I want my daughter see a more creative me and my day job just sucks that out of me. So I guess even when I am officially a stay at home mommy, I will be pursuing a job as an artist.
ReplyDeleteAhhh - the never ending question go back to work or stay at home with the child(ren)!!! Personally I believe you will know when and if the time is right. But in the meantime, savor every moment with that beautiful, precious guy because the time goes by before you know what happened.
ReplyDeleteI "get" and connect to everything you just wrote regarding staying at home with our children...
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up, there was a little girl in my grade school class who's mom was there for every class event and to pick her up from school. I asked her one day, "what's wrong with your mom?" because I didn't understand why she didn't work...that was my 'norm'...a working mom and anything else was unacceptable (in my 7-year old world, of course). As a very single working adult, managing long hours and at times, unfulfilling work, I knew that I could only be a SAHM. Anything else would be, well, unacceptable.
As we awaited the birth of Zora, 'my plan' (which my husband was actually on board with) was not an option financially, but fate stepped in and I was laid off and we went with the flow and learned to make things work. I feel incredibly blessed to be here with Zora everyday. Still, that does not change the fact that this is the most challenging position that I've ever held...yet most rewarding. Doesn't mean that I don't find myself feeling surprisingly defensive to others...yet extremely proud. Doesn't mean that I don't yearn for an academic/intellectual challenge and more meaningful adult stimulation & conversation...yet love chatting with my daughter and contributing to expanding her world.
All of this to say, yeah, Laura, I'm with you. Meanwhile, why I have typed this, Zora has managed to destroy an empty box that a new toy came in...duty calls. Kim